Last Thursday, the 23rd of September, I was all set to get a good night’s sleep for my important first interview with JP Morgan Chase Bank. All was well, I was home early, got some good dinner, and was peacefully falling asleep despite the anxiety from the anticipation for the big interview in the morning.

It was a full moon, and the animals were acting strange, especially Kanji. He was up on all the counters all day long, begging for this and that. He didn’t wander off much like he usually does. He was enjoying drinking tap water out of the faucet and I happened to get a good picture of him doing it.

We brought him back in that night after his adventures outside. We always bring the cats out at night because of the coyotes. There have been a few cats around the neighborhood missing that ended up becoming coyote food.

At the same time, Kanji sleeps in the room with me because we must keep an eye on him around the other pets in the house as they sometimes have little cat fights and could damage furniture or knock valuable decorations over. Sometimes he wakes up throughout the night and wants to go out, or just wants food. I usually wake up and feed him, or as soon as dawn hits, I will let him outside. That night, I was determined to get some sleep. This is the last picture I took of Kanji…

Sure enough, Kanji was restless that night. I still think it was the full moon, but instead of waking up and bugging me at 7 AM he wokeme up around 4. Following my routine, and ready to continue to sleep I took him downstairs and put him outside thinking it was much later in the morning than it was. As soon as I let him go I realized that it was still dark out and it wasn’t such a good idea.

I went back to bed, and woke up to get ready for the interview. I would remember what happened and go straight outside to make sure Kanji was hanging around to get some good food as he usually is. He wasn’t there. I made breakfast, coffee, and finished getting ready, peering outside and calling from the front between every task. No Kanji.

At this point I was a little worried because he wasn’t following his normal behavior pattern, nor was putting him out that early. These are the types of things that ofter turn into problems. I told Cindy about it before I left so she could keep an eye out. I said goodbye to Paige and told her to look for him.

The interview went AMAZING. It was fun, exciting, and I feel like it’s going to be a great place to work. Eager to call back and tell everyone, I rang Paige. She was crying. She was upset that Kanji was still not home. It made me sick. I was going to go straight home and just go get him. There was no doubt in my mind that I would just go get him and bring him home. I couldn’t see Paige like that and I felt terrible. That plan didn’t work.

We scoured the neighborhood all day long. We asked people, checked his local route, and did what we could. Paige even had a sign already printed out which I thought was way too early. It was the beginning of a sad few days.

The next day was Paige’s birthday and I had errands to run before then, but we were all unable to think about anything else but that cat. We had plans also to meet with an old friend from Costa Rica that night and have a nice dinner. We went through with it and had a wonderful time, but it just wasn’t complete.

The next morning it seemed like every second of down time I found myself heading out to the back yard and calling or looking for him to just arrive. Paige and I got up early at 6 AM to post the signs. That was rough. Our personalities took our emotions to different stages of concern. She was much further ahead than I was, being the pessimist and optimists we are. The good thing is, between us two was probably just about where we should have been. We make a good team.

The day went on, quiet. There was little dialogue other than Kanji. We would see the signs each time we left the neighborhood and get an awful feeling about him being gone. Paige and I went to the beach for her birthday to just relax a little. Although, most of the time we were obviously crushed by the uncertainty. I was determined to carry on with our plans to throw Paige an awesome party at the Korean restaurant. She pulled together and really had a great time, and took her mind off of things for a while. It was obvious thought, still, that something was missing.

The next morning I had to leave for a softball game, but I made breakfast and went around again and asked anyone that might be outside if they had seen our furry ball of love. I gave them fliers, and they empathized with me. Paige and Cindy had gone around before to learn that Kanji might have been spotted down the road. I went to that location first to find others that had at least seen him before. After I returned from softball I went out again on my longboard and put up a final flier right on the smack middle of the main gate of the community. At least it might get seen by a few before the maintenance guys would tear it down.

This was only day three, about 60 hours into his disappearance. Paige and I talked a lot about all of our experiences with Kanji. Everything from picking him up at the pet store in Busan with Dr. Calvin, having to feed him with en eye dropper, him walking around on my face, getting him home from Korea, his funny behavior, and just all of the joy he has brought us. Paige was preparing herself for the grief she believed she would have to face. As for me, I was confused. I was so concerned about helping Paige feel better, I found myself generally optimistic, but starting to believe her theories about the coyotes. I had no idea how I really felt on my own. It was apparent to me that there were more important things to take care of than focus on my own feelings.

Everything that was happening only motivated me to keep trying to find new ways to get to him. In order to even try I had to believe he was still alive, even though I risked later facing possible regret of denial. Paige and I started to converge on the same feelings after time. Another day passed, and I had another interview. We decided that the best thing to do was to separate the feelings for him and me must continue with our lives. When we were able, we would not give up searching for him, but when we were out we needed to focus on our lives again. I would still go back and forth though. That day when nobody was home I went out back and just yelled his name as loud as I could. Maybe it would steer him in the right direction.

After my second interview, I was again happy with the meeting, but generally incomplete. It was Monday now, 4 days later and then some. In the afternoon, I started to read up and educate myself a little. I found a lady in LA who specializes in pet rescue. Her name is Landa and she has the only certified bloodhounds in the country for finding lost cats and small dogs. I even inquired with her about what kinds of things she might be able to do for us. I knew it would be expensive, but I had to see if it was worthwhile in our specific case. She is responsible for finding hundreds of pets that may or may not have been found otherwise. She is EXTREMELY educated in lost pet detection and was a great help to us even though we didn’t end up actually employing her. You can find here here at http://lostpetdetection.com

On her website is plenty of information that I believe all pet owners should read just in case. Also, the links she provides guided me in a new direction in my search for Kanji. I read that sometimes “outdoor-access cats” such as Kanji, who have regular access to the outdoors sometimes get spooked or chased where they become displaced. This is not a good thing because once they are done taking refuge, they are no longer familiar with their territory. Until their adrenaline rush subsides, they cannot begin to start making the trek back to their familiar territory. This can take several days to happen. In the mean time, they could be injured, or just very cautious, either way they will not be making any noise or go out into the open.

I believed Kanji was in this phase because it was the only state he could be in where I would be of any help. If I believed he were dead then I would have no reason to search for him, other than to find closure. If he were transported by someone either intentionally or unintentionally I would have no business scouring the neighborhood either. All I could do was have faith that he was out there.When cats get like this, they tend to take shelter in odd areas such as under houses, decks, heavy bushes, or anything of shelter. In order to find them one must actually look in these places. I decided to look.

I plotted out a 5 house radius of Kanji’s home. I marked the spot he was once sighted and knocked on each door to ask permission to scour through their backyards. That isn’t much fun. It’s embarrassing, nerve racking, and awkward, but it seemed like the right thing to do. Generally, people were ok with it. 4 out of the 5 houses I got to that day allowed me to look, and I may have even made a friend or two. Then I continued along the public side of the fences, looking in bushes and trees, getting covered in cobwebs and dirt.

That night Paige and I took another long walk around the neighborhood, this time coming closer to acceptance than ever before. We reminisced a little more about him. We thought that it would be hard to ever have another gray cat like him, and it was a shame because he had such a cool name. For me, though, something just wasn’t right.

Later we came in, and I got going on other things, Paige prepared to start work and we got a little more used to not seeing him around the house. All of a sudden, I hear Paige’s phone ring. It was 9:30 PM and she usually would only get a call then if she was expecting one. And it was her number on all the fliers and his collar. I sprinted into her room, dug it out of her purse and answered. I saw the number was unknown, not in her phone book, another good sign. The excitement roared inside me. He asked if we had a cat named Kanji. I asked if he was alright. He said he’s fine, we have him. Where do you live. I could hardly even explain it I was so thrilled.

I had played it over and over how I would tell Paige he was back. I came downstairs still stunned and looked at her and Cindy and I think they already knew, but I told them “He’s Back!”

I think they were equally surprised and I ran outside to meet the people bringing him by. They were our neighbors about 6 houses down. They said they noticed the sign on the front gate and when they got home they saw a cat near the garage. He slowly came to them and they matched his unique name with the one on the sign and called us immediately. They were a sweet couple, probably retired. We shoved so many thank yous down their throats they were probably sick. But they knew just how happy we were and how important he is to us. They were glad to have helped but only felt like they were passing it on, as someone had done the same for them once.

I mentioned the following before on facebook:

“Life continues to bring new challenges. I can’t say I enjoy all of them, but I enjoy growing as a person from the results. I’m humbled by how I am still unable to execute the very advice I know to take. I guess we will always be human, bound with love that will be forever irrational. In this way, I am ok with the irrationality. I will always love my first pet, even if I never find out where he is.”

When I wrote this, I knew I had to leave it open because there was something about the situation that just wasn’t right. That’s what was so confusing. I knew I didn’t like that challenge, but I still love that I have grown from it. What I wasn’t able to comprehend, is why I had ever taken Kanji for granted in the least. Why did I have to be so scared that he was gone to realize that his soul has become as much a part of our family as we are? That’s what was humbling. It’s that type of irrational love that I am ok with. I hope to always learn about the part of being human that will never be explained.

Here is a picture of Kanji a few minutes after returning safely to his room:

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